1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
