Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
