Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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