i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
