I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i drank out of a bidet.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
