Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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