that's an acceptable place to lick
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
