38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
