wanna go halves on a baby?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
