all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
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