bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
