I want to have your abortion
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
