Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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