i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
