do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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