dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I need to sanitize my soul.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
