I hate all girls vehemently.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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