A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
