If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize