so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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