turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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