Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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