You can't special order awesome
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
