Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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