She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
