She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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