I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
