My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
