Im at strip club and am horny
It's Friday. Sex?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
