so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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