He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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