Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
there is glitter all over my balls
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
