The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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