Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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