I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
