i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
