at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
