DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize