I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
