i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
