maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
