She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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