basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
