My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
soo... how was my night?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
