Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
