She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize