Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
