wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
