Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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