Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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