I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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