How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize