honey bunches of taint.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
