There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
