you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
