some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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