Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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