i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
