whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
