Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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