I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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