We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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