I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
