I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
