genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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