I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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