with your own penis?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
