I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
