Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
