apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just cropdusted the office
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
