She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
