please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
