It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
