I wish they made helmets for livers.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize