I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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