I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
