Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
