make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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