Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
